What am I supposed to do now? It isn't as easy as trying to keep myself busy or not contacting him or even drinking the pain away. I can't handle this. He was my closest friend and knew me better than anyone. I'm not at school anymore, which helps the whole not having to run into him, but it also complicates things since I don't have my friends around me all the time to help. And don't get me wrong, I appreciate my girlfriends and my family. But I want my boyfriend back, not just as my boyfriend, but also as my friend. The vast majority of my "support system" have more important things to do than help me occupy myself. And I understand that. I just wish they would help me and comfort me like I've had to do for most of them. Sit with me while I cry and tell me it's okay. Have a positive attitude that maybe he'll come to senses and realize he made a mistake.
And now it's looking like he really is ignoring me. Not avoiding, ignoring. And he told me just yesterday that he would never do that. Well what the hell is this. I even apologized for bugging him (and he's probably getting sick of that) and still haven't heard anything back. I'm not mad at him (though I could/ probably should be--using me to move in and then deciding we needed a break), just hurt. And it hurts even more to be lied to and told that he still wants to be my friend and talk to me about things I'm going through...just not this. Did someone talk to him between today and last night and tell him that it's better to outright ignore me? And why do I have to play by these rules? Why do I have to be punished because he can't handle seeing me or talking about anything important? I'm not asking to go out on a date with him, just not to be completely cut off from him all of a sudden. We spent the majority of our time together before this happened. Maybe he's doing fine, but I can't just go cold turkey.
I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to wallow on the couch in hopes that he'll call me or something and take it all back. That's what I want. I want him to go see his counselor and have her tell him he made the wrong choice, that it was stupid and rash, and that he should grovel and ask me back. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not happy. There have been so many times this week where I just wanted to run my car off the road or to get hit while crossing the street. Not to die, just to get his attention. That's pathetic and I hate that I'm not strong enough to deal with this like a normal person. How is this easier for him? Was I really that stressful and high-maintenance?
